Push Through or Give In? The Split-Second Decision That Defined My Career
- Bri Chan
- Nov 21
- 5 min read
It isn't where you came from; it's where you're going that counts.”
― Ella Fitzgerald
Have you ever felt so excited about an opportunity but at the same time felt so intimated about what it will take to do it? And if you're even capable of making it happen?
It will make you face yourself in the most real way possible, which it definitely did for me. What I didn't expect was that this opportunity would change everything.
To get into most art shows you have to enter an application, pay a fee to submit your work, and then have a waiting period to see if you were accepted. And most times you have to apply months before the show even happens. Then after you get accepted the weeks and months of work putting a show together begins. And I love it.
The Day of the Dead show is held November 1st and seeing that this was my first time to apply, I wasn't holding my breath until I found out I was accepted.
On the contrary! I was turning the big 4 - 0 and my boyfriend and I were in France celebrating life and adventure, while swooning over the Eiffel tower and getting lost in the art at the Louvre. While we were overseas figuring out how to use the metro and following the Sortie ("exit") to navigate - it happened. I received THE email that "I. Was. In." I was excited! Thrilled! And HORRIFIED to realize that we would be back in the US on October 10th and I had a little less than three weeks to create and put a show together that was worth the quality and experience that I wanted to give to the people that were going to be there.
I started to quietly panic as I know the time it takes to put a show together. Needless to say there was a checklist of emotions that instantly popped up: Self-doubt? check. Wondering if I should just pass this year and try again next year? on and blinking red in the back of my mind. Imposter syndrome? Hello old friend I don't ever want to see.
It was all swirling around my head in a mess like my hair on a windy Oklahoma day.
It left me with a decision. And I hate having to make decisions.
Do I give in? Or push through and see what happens?
In that moment - my life changed. I didn't want to wait till next year. I didn't want to grow my doubts. I didn't want to stay where I was personally or worse, go backwards in my self growth. I wanted to see what I was made of. I wanted to create. I wanted to try and fail and learn, or try and succeed. In that split moment - a new mindset split through my brain like a bright streak of lightning.
This wasn't about the show at all. It was a question of who I saw myself as. Who I believed my self to be and what I believed I was capable of. And from that moment on it didn't matter if I sold all my art or none of my art. It didn't matter because I am an artist. And this is what I do. I paint. I explore. I create because that is my purpose here.
And so I began to create like my life depended on it. Because in some ways, it did.
In two weeks time, the creation of the skull triptych paintings were born. The paintings represented the entanglement of life and the mystery of the unknown. The flowers surround the skulls representing life and beauty as well as honoring those who we have loved and passed. The candles are the passing of time of our life here. We, like the candles burn bright till our time burns up like the wick of a candle. It's beauty and sadness, mystery and time. The paintings literally started to create themselves. It felt like all I had to do was show up in my studio, pick up a paint brush and poof! There was a painting! The ideas flowed, the energy and passion became a steady drip of IV goodness for my mind. I have never had so much clarity, so much creating in so short of time.
And what, do you ask, ended up happening? It was one of the most successful art shows in Tulsa so far! And all three of the skull paintings sold and are hanging together in the private collection of some wonderful people! Two more originals were sold as well as a number of prints and ton of smiles and encouragement from the people in Tulsa who came out to support the arts.
What also ended up happening? Personal growth and a confidence that would not have happened had I not pushed through.
Here are 4 lessons that learned from this experience:
The Real Issue Was Self-Identity
The decision point wasn't about the timeline or the quality of the art; it was about who I believed myself to be. The shift happened when I stopped asking "Can I do this" and started affirming "This is who I am, so this is what I do"
2. Clarity Follows Commitment (Not the Other Way Around)
The self-doubt and panic ("mess like my hair") vanished only after the decision to commit and push through was made. I don't need clarity to start; commitment and action unlocks clarity and flow.
3. Constraints Fuel Creativity
The severe time constraint (less than three weeks) didn't kill the project; it provided the pressure needed for intense focus. Allow the deadlines and constraints fuel your focus and unlock your most passionate work.
4. Success is Defined by the Effort, Not the Outcome
The realization that it "didn't matter if I sold all my art or none of my art" was the moment of freedom. The true success was the knowing who I am and the act of creating and showing up as the artist I am meant to be. I began to define my success by my purpose and effort I put into my work over the dollar sign at the end of the show.
We all face our own versions of that tight deadline, that overwhelming opportunity, or that moment of swirling self-doubt. I had my checklist of fears—Imposter Syndrome, self-doubt, panic—and I guarantee you have your own list. But in that split second, you have the power to decide if you will grow your doubts or grow your courage. I chose to see what I was made of, and it resulted in success I couldn't have imagined. Now, it’s your turn. The next time your checklist of fear pops up, I challenge you to choose the lightning strike of a new mindset. What are you waiting for? Go create, go explore, and go define your own moment."
And final news, when we were France, Terry PROPOSED! And of course, I said YES!!!
Here's to a new adventure and a new title of "Fiancé" with my best friend.
Till next time,
Bri
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